Drug seeking behavior

I wonder what I look like to that nicely put together pharmacist lady. She’s a graceful 45, long tidy braid, white coat. I give her the script for a fairly impressive dose of Klonopin. My skin is clammy with perfect circular drops of sweat pricking my upper lip, and lazier fat drops streaming down from my…

Wads of precious misery

Hey! I just realized I’ve achieved my dream life! (The realistic dream, the one without the live in pastry chef). Ask me if I’m happy and content! Go on, ask! I’M NOT! HA! I’m  one  episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates away from punching windows, not just for the satisfaction of destruction, but in…

You know the rules

Jane-Anne knocked on my door on the morning of the 24th. I open my window and looked at her, confused. “You know the rules!” I say to her and her husband. The two of them are huddled on my front walk, taking their sweet, lovable dogs for a walk as they do every day, rain…

Ghosts of the Fourth Floor

I put my son into one of those hospital cribs that have always made me shutter, a metal cage; the perfect place to suffer in. But I didn’t shutter. I laid him next to a horrendous giggling bear-robot of some sort, without the least hint of melancholy. I laid down in the pull out chair next…

Catharsis of Blame

I had the good fortune to be born to a family of conservative rednecks. To my further posterity, I then spent my adolescence living inside a hive of religious nutcases. Then, another blessing, was to spend my adulthood surrounded by over-educated, flaming liberals. I am not being a smart-ass. I am lucky. The only thing those…

Wizard With A Toolbelt

“I swear lesbians give the best advice ever,” I said, absently, possibly offensively, to my lesbian therapist. Her office is warm and smells very strongly of lavender. The combination sometimes makes me dopey. “Seriously, I never leave a conversation with one of you guys that I don’t feel I’ve come away with something valuable.” That’s not…

Communist Pedophile Racist

There is a meme I put on my Pinterest. Underneath I wrote “and looked what happened to them…” That means, they were overtaken by a foreign culture and their way of life was obliterated. This poster supports tighter immigration laws, even if it doesn’t mean too. A woman said I was racist toward Native Americans. Bah. If…

UNDER, “HILARIOUS.”

  I called the press line at DEA headquarters in Washington DC because…ehh long story. Meth, Chinese plants, gardening.  And a sweet southern lady answered, on a Sunday afternoon! Who wouldn’t talk with me! So I asked her (politely, curiously) how come she was even there.“We’re a 24 hour operation.”“But if you can’t talk to…

Starting Pistol

  Last night, after drinking gallons of watered down apple juice and milk, LE pushed her small belly against the fabric of her nightgown. It rounded out and sloshed. “Mama,” she said, with true sadness, “I look fat.” It had the effect of a starting pistol, cleaving the uneasy anticipation and sending me on a…

unprofessional-grade-tits

“Mom? Do grown up’s bottoms get wrinkles? From the water? Like fingers?”I stand up from the slight stoop I was in to towel off my hair after switching places in the shower with LE. I consider the lovely view of my dimpled rear my daughter has been observing from the floor of the shower, and I say, “Yes.…