Therese Oneill

This is something Fred from 5reads asked me to do. I was honored. Especially cuz the last contributor was Drew Curtis and I read Fark like it was the Bible all through my 20’s.

The Fourth Day Never Comes

I was so close. If I could just make it through the evening, I would have gone four days without a Klonopin. A first in over two years. But things were falling apart. Gus was very sick, and his misery made me anxious. I had to do my first solo Girl Scout meeting that night,…

Tranquil

This is my third day. I haven’t gone more than three days without one in two years. Through most of my 20s, they were an eject button I kept in my purse. If ever the hole in the floor started to open, if ever that nameless terror started to distort me, I could take one,…

Wads of precious misery

Hey! I just realized I’ve achieved my dream life! (The realistic dream, the one without the live in pastry chef). Ask me if I’m happy and content! Go on, ask! I’M NOT! HA! I’m  one  episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates away from punching windows, not just for the satisfaction of destruction, but in…

Potato Salad People

Someone once said “Always surround yourself with people who are better than you.” Well congratulations to me, I’ve done that. I am the ghetto-beauty hood rat of everyone I know. And I love it. But.  As I’ve mentioned, I have the smallest house, the least money, an utter indifference to the condition of my body,…

I’m WRY you dillhole!

  “I really didn’t appreciate the author’s snarky tone.” “I could have done without the snark.” “I don’t see why the author felt it was necessary to have a snarky attitude about this subject.” I am going to throw a drink in the face of the next person who uses the word “snark” in connection…

Oh you’re just gonna hate me

  Oh you won’t believe this. Oh you’re gonna hate me. I’m getting paid to Pinterest. Paid. To do something I was doing compulsively for fun anyway. Sometimes I still just sit back and cackle because it just shouldn’t be. Paid to Pinterest. If you don’t Pinterest you probably think it sounds astonishingly boring and…

Spit to Dunk Your Butts In.

LE is shuffling out of the pink froth of little-girlhood into the kaleidoscopic colors of kid-hood. So she doesn’t dress-up anymore, in flouncy pink skirts with clashing wrinkled leggings and a broken Barbie tiara.  But she got a toy microphone for Christmas. Along with a Belinda Carlisle CD and…a Lady Gaga CD. I put them…

You know the rules

Jane-Anne knocked on my door on the morning of the 24th. I open my window and looked at her, confused. “You know the rules!” I say to her and her husband. The two of them are huddled on my front walk, taking their sweet, lovable dogs for a walk as they do every day, rain…