My Gus Hole

  I am a twisted peg, and I owe so much happiness to that. So this is my analogy. Love is a pegboard, stretching Alice-in-Wonderland style to near infinity. You are a peg, individually carved. Your shape is determined by who you are, your entirety. The sexual attractiveness of your body, your rage, your humor, your ambition, your selfishness, your wit, your…

Haul in the Turnip

  Pee sticks. The only time, hopefully, taking a pee will change your life. Well, my pregnancies were just terrible. There was something squirming through the hormones of pregnancy that infested my brain chemistry with a deep mental sickness. The result was so horrible but so nebulous I can’t describe it so I rarely try. It’s the feeling you get when you’re alone in…

Heap Big Woman

I get a little excited when I see evidence of why thin people stay that way. It’s like seeing the secret metal mechanisms that run the Presidents at that exhibit in Disneyland. I sat next to my friend Kerin in a movie theater and watched her arrange her diet coke and “light, light on the…

Diva’s Musings: Finding my Simple Bliss as I See It

Ideally, my blog list would greet me each day as sort of a personalized magazine that is all opinion, advice, and humor columns. With a touch of my personal interests (plus size clothing, motherstuff, archaeological exhumations) thrown in. I’ve searched HUNDREDS of blogs in the past month, trying to build this blog roll of legend. And in this searching…

rubric

  LE’s teacher Mrs. Z was gently molded and hand-patted from the clay of humanity into the perfect form of “Kindergarten Teacher.” She is slight and cheerful, in her early 20’s, with crystal blue eyes as wide and guiless as the babies she teaches. She laid what she called “a rubric” in front of me today at the Parent Teacher conference. It…

Less Twirling Than I’d Hoped

 Daughter of Mine, this isn’t how I planned it. Why aren’t we dancing in eyelet cotton dresses together, our bare feet pressing wildflowers? Twirling with our long curly hair dancing free in the sunshine? I DID lug my Wildcat 1972 portable record player last summer into the weedy clay of our yard, but you weren’t really into Creedence and asked…

Natural Born

  Amelia is very efficient mother, good in all the ways I am bad. That’s why I like her as a friend. I don’t feel threatened that her daughter’s braids are tight and straight and that her children always have clean dishes and don’t ever have to use tupperware lids and left over fast food…

Innocent

That’s it. I’m taking a stand. My kids aren’t sexy and you’re not going to intimidate me into pretending they are, perverts and mass media. We are so afraid now. On my Pinterest, one of my most commented-on pins is whether or not this little girl is “too sexy” and “dressed inappropriately.”  Or whether or not she’s just cute…

The History and Future of Fat

I am fat. That’s my word. That’s the word I choose. If you were to describe my body to a policeman that would be the first descriptor you’d use, except you’d probably say, “heavy set” or “larger woman,” cuz you’re too civilized to use the F word. Pssht. Fat is fine. I don’t think a fat person should ever…