Dear Dad My brain has lately become very convinced you’re real. So I am going to indulge it. LE is eight now. You wouldn’t believe how graceful and athletic she tends toward. She’s like…she couldn’t possibly be related to us, you know? I remember, Dad, how when I was a kid and you patted my…
I was right. It took about a week for the baffle-coma to wear off. Or maybe it was two weeks. I don’t know actually – time doesn’t penetrate a coma state. I counted time in congratulations and people’s praise of me. And in the rare backhanded, seething compliment. But since I’ve stopped desiring to tell…
Yesterday morning I decided to euthanize my dog. Within an hour of my decision, she was limp on the floor of the vet’s office. I kept grasping and ungrasping that thick roll of fur and fat that substituted for her neck. It was always a pre-meditated decision to pet Stitch. She shed obscenely in summer and she…
It’s back to my woo-woo Lisa the Good Witch therapist, and her hourly rate; which is so high it seems like only the most sad and baffled aging Hollywood wives would be asked to pay it. And me. Because goddammit, she’s a soul-fixer genius. I don’t care if she DOES believe the midichlorians that incandescence her blood…
There is a teensy weensy percentage of the population who understands. Who, upon hearing that you are a “real writer” and have “a New York agent” representing your “book proposal” to the “Big 6,” get bug eyed and breathe a little harder. I know because I was one of them. I still am. Well,…
Every other writer I know works a hell of a lot harder than my lazy ass and if you judge by effort, I do not deserve what I’ve garnered in my 2 and a half year career. The other night I got to talk on late night radio about a little listicle…
I’m petitioning to become a member of the Order of the Eastern Star. (Exclusive, have to be daughter or wife of a Master Mason, you can’t sit with us). I will receive a home visit, my life will be thoroughly researched. Which is profoundly easy considering how much of it I splash around…
