My phone died, and when I plugged it into charge, I got texts from months ago. I don’t know what that’s all about. Where were they lingering? Inside a cord, stacked inside a cell tower, or embedded in the light? No matter. Point is, one of them was a piece of bad feelings from an…
I’m always so surprised to find out everything isn’t exactly like I thought it was. The things I take for granted could fill an ocean, a vast and fearful one. I wrote this in tribute to a lifetime of tunnel vision and missteps. You Were Oblivious You were born on a big flat rock on…
Went to the doctor for the most routine visit; an obligatory check-in to keep my rainbow of medications bright and shining. Then my P.A, Kim, said I didn’t look right. “You’re off today, aren’t you?” Was I? Before she asked, I had just stopped mid-sentence and laid my head against the wall, because I couldn’t remember…
You keep calling yourself fat and I keep yowling about it. “OHMYGOODDDDD You are not FAT!! Will you shut up???” Not anymore. I get it. I know why you do it. And you have every right to feel fat. Of course, I don’t think you’re fat. Because I am fat. My entire family was fat. We…
My husband had this terrifying maniac of a friend years ago. Lloyd. Lloyd accidentally got married one day, when the girl he was sleeping with turned his post-coital hyperbole into a short lived and deranged reality. Their marriage was brief and unhappy. When Lloyd was mad at his wife, he’d get up in the…
I Friended a sweet woman on Facebook who had gone to school with me in our tiny two-room schoolhouse. She’s a teacher now. “He inspired me to go into teaching.” I knew who she was talking about, and found it hard to believe. “How?” I asked. “Because I didn’t think teachers should be like…
I used to joke with my husband that when I reached a certain level of success in my writing, I wanted help with the housecleaning. Because I have tried for 15 years now, to keep a house. To keep the dirty dishes pile low enough in the sink to allow access to the water…
First there was the bed. I picked it out of a catalog and had no idea. It suffers giganticism, but instead of bones and swollen flesh, it was blocks of solid wood and memory foam. The top of the mattress came to my bustline. I’m only 5 foot 2, sure…but that’s still pretty damn high.…
This is my third day. I haven’t gone more than three days without one in two years. Through most of my 20s, they were an eject button I kept in my purse. If ever the hole in the floor started to open, if ever that nameless terror started to distort me, I could take one,…
Hey! I just realized I’ve achieved my dream life! (The realistic dream, the one without the live in pastry chef). Ask me if I’m happy and content! Go on, ask! I’M NOT! HA! I’m one episode of Jake and the Neverland Pirates away from punching windows, not just for the satisfaction of destruction, but in…
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