The five WORST kid’s shows on Netflix

  I’m not saying the kids don’t like these. I’m not saying they’re poorly made or bad for a child’s little brain. I’m just saying that I hate them. I really really hate them. Dragon Tales It’s about these two little kids who escape into a fantasy world populated by hideously ugly dragons who are the most…

No one should see this

    This is not a cute kid story or a fashion post. It is BOTH. Which puts it into a totally unique category that you would be sorely remiss not to read. These babies. I got new chubbtastic tights from We Love Color . I haven’t worn tights since I was 11. Or pantyhose since I was 19. And…

Mama she’s brown

LE has been taught that it’s ok to ask me questions about people. It’s ok to notice that someone is very fat, missing a leg, dressed differently, a different culture, or mentally challenged. And we can talk about it. The only rule is that she has to wait until they are gone to ask me. In…

Haul in the Turnip

  Pee sticks. The only time, hopefully, taking a pee will change your life. Well, my pregnancies were just terrible. There was something squirming through the hormones of pregnancy that infested my brain chemistry with a deep mental sickness. The result was so horrible but so nebulous I can’t describe it so I rarely try. It’s the feeling you get when you’re alone in…

rubric

  LE’s teacher Mrs. Z was gently molded and hand-patted from the clay of humanity into the perfect form of “Kindergarten Teacher.” She is slight and cheerful, in her early 20’s, with crystal blue eyes as wide and guiless as the babies she teaches. She laid what she called “a rubric” in front of me today at the Parent Teacher conference. It…

Less Twirling Than I’d Hoped

 Daughter of Mine, this isn’t how I planned it. Why aren’t we dancing in eyelet cotton dresses together, our bare feet pressing wildflowers? Twirling with our long curly hair dancing free in the sunshine? I DID lug my Wildcat 1972 portable record player last summer into the weedy clay of our yard, but you weren’t really into Creedence and asked…

Natural Born

  Amelia is very efficient mother, good in all the ways I am bad. That’s why I like her as a friend. I don’t feel threatened that her daughter’s braids are tight and straight and that her children always have clean dishes and don’t ever have to use tupperware lids and left over fast food…

Innocent

That’s it. I’m taking a stand. My kids aren’t sexy and you’re not going to intimidate me into pretending they are, perverts and mass media. We are so afraid now. On my Pinterest, one of my most commented-on pins is whether or not this little girl is “too sexy” and “dressed inappropriately.”  Or whether or not she’s just cute…

Pills and Booze Don’t Mix

Lex tells me not to mix pills and booze. Pick one and stick with it. She says that, from where she is tucked away in the leafy brown silence of her home. It used to be a mechanic’s garage, now it’s a cozy, glorious dump of a place, real wood paneling and bizarrely proportioned rooms. She doesn’t have children. She sits…