My next post was going to be a collection of sexy, vaguely homo-erotic (ok sometimes just flat out homoerotic) pictures of 19th century men that I’ve collected while finding images for my book.
Come on Sailor, lets go for a jaunt. Drink this medicinal opiate and we won’t even remember what we did tonight.
But hell, it’s the end of 2015. Maybe the best year of my life so far. I guess I should honor it, send off viking-funeral style, aflame on a pyre of honor.
I got my shed in January.
There’s a lot more antique receptacles for body fluids now, coupla heads, and not an inch of empty shelf space…but it’s still heaven in here.
In April I joined a variety show and did a wobbly first go at presenting my nice humor/naughty history mix to folks.
“And here we have a reinforced corset whose image I stole blithely from The Met cuz I didn’t know back then that you had to pay for images.”
I burned the poison out of long open wound though a heartbreaking act of confrontation. One that cured a two year long infection and let me stop hurting. That means, without the poetry…I’m don’t try to convince people who really frickin’ hate me that I’m lovable anymore.
I literally looked at hundreds of way to express this feeling without portraying anger that I don’t feel…and this is pretty much the best way I found.
I made my husband be a true Oregonian with me for a day: We saw a totes modern play in a converted church’s backyard and it was the balls.
In summer I spent an infinity taking the Grunions to swim classes and various camps and…stuff that make children acclimate to social setting and teach them skills that will aid them professionally and personally. And made them not be clinging to my backs like little gargoyles demanding entertainment for an hour.
Why, Mama? Why?
We went to our lake, LE and I. We rafted. We deflated. But we made it.
STROKE! STROKE! This is more work and less fun than I anticipated but I can’t stop cuz we’re leaking!
Some of this sorta stuff…
Yard camping. I folded it up but never put it away. Still on the picnic table, 17 feet of rain later. Got it for five bucks at the flea market. Turns out to be $300 to replace. So…back to the flea market.
Murdered bride, and Sarah Good, first executed witch of the salem trials. And Spidey. Gotta have spidey.
And of course…in the midst of it all….She happened.
Jessica Papin, the freakishly capable, ethereal-tongued miracle worker who is ALSO…my agent from Dystel & Goderich. She thought my query was funny.
And SHE quickly made THIS happen.
Because of THIS ridiculously young, funny, able and well-adjusted woman:
Not me. Well-adjusted…c’mon that’s just cruel. That’s me signing tho. No, the New Yorker behind me, Editor Jean Garnett.
So since October (when I got to see my husband’s tremendous family of which I have no pictures but trust me they’re lovely to look upon) my life has been most this shed, this computer,and lots of this: 
And I love it. I have 2 months left now to finish my book, (Unmentionable! A Victorian Lady’s Guide to Sex, Marriage and Manners, coming Fall 2016 from Little, Brown) to the day. And I will do so. It’s hard to stop. I love what I do so much. I have always wanted to make people laugh. I wanted to be, chronologically, Oscar the Grouch (great pissy punchlines and detonations of sappy stuff), Murdock from A-team, Robin Williams, Eddy Murphy, (had cassettes of their stand up when I was a kid) Erma Bombeck (still have love for Irma), Dorothy from Golden Girls, a writer for Mystery Science Theater 3000, David Sedaris and Tina Fey. All people who talked and wrote and made an entire nation crack up and often, accidentally think. You think best when your guard is down. Laughter does that.
I have the same publisher as David Sedaris and Tina Fey now. I know because on a conference call to my editor I said something like, “I know even comedic writer is like…”ooo I wanna be David Sedaris…” but that is honestly my long term goal. So…yeah…find HIS publicity guy and find out all the secrets, ha-ha!” To which she responded something like, “Yeah sure he works down the hall.” To which I, who was coincidentally standing at my bookshelf…saw my line of Sedaris books, all baring “Little,Brown” printed across their pretty spines.
One of many times this year my fingers holding my phone have numbed and my heart as dropped to my shoes…which is such a weird place for it to go when I am shocked with utter piercing JOY.
So 2015. Good year. Best year? But I’m really looking forward to 2016.
I plan for it to be better.
You're Doing It Wrong 
Jumpin’ – up-and-down happy for you!
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Thank you! Oh hey sorry I’ve not been around to receive all those phone calls you’ve made no effort to give me. Wait I’ve been around. Always.
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So proud to know you. Can’t wait to have your book up there on my shelf with William Kennedy, Studs Turkel, Steinbeck, Tom Robbins, Brian Doyle,……When someone grows so rapidly the whole earth and all of nature vibrate and buzz when accepting their contribution. Having fun grooving on this and listening to the birds dart about and jabber about what you’re doing. Patiently waiting for more.
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