Every parent has a few gaudy tail feathers to shake at the world regarding the brilliance of their children. LE could ride a bike a 5, cross any monkeybars with ease at six. She doesn’t lie, she bathes and dresses her brother, and always says thank you. And stuff. Shake shake shake… But there’s…
Now, I’m not even counting the seventy or so Disney movies you’ve forgotten ever existed, like Davy Crockett and the River Pirates or Squanto: A Warrior’s Tale. I’m also not touching on those dismal live-action debacles that somehow sustained Disney through the 60’s and 70’s (excluding the masterpieces Escape to Witch Mountain, Freaky Friday, and The Parent Trap, which were genius,…
You’d think being responsible for someone else’s life would make you really uptight, but it has the opposite affect. You spend your days tending to someone else’s feces. In the before-time, you could enjoy the luxury of disgust, and silly fears. It was an indulgence, you know, to run screaming and flapping around when you saw a spider.…
(originally published in April, 2013) Spring Break can eat a bag of DICKS. Seriously. I…I had the worst damn week. I’m absolutely bereft over what this summer is going to be like. My daughter. Oh my daughter. She is a good girl. Willing to please, loving, positive. She is unbearable. I think it’s my…
I’m not saying the kids don’t like these. I’m not saying they’re poorly made or bad for a child’s little brain. I’m just saying that I hate them. I really really hate them. Dragon Tales It’s about these two little kids who escape into a fantasy world populated by hideously ugly dragons who are the most…
*Andrea Zuckerman, Beverly Hills 90210 GAWD. Ok, no one was particularly likable on 90210. But they were charismatic and/or slickly attractive, in their shallow, pinched nose sorta way. But Andrea, man she just had nothing to offer. She should have been the most interesting. Poor, smart, not conventionally pretty…her character should have been hilarious or poignant or something. But no.…
Sesame Street, it’s more than it seems, friends. I have a theory. I came up with it when I got to see the first ever episode of Sesame Street from 1969. It opens with a afro-ed early version of Gordon leading a shy little girl down Sesame Street. He introduces her to his wife, says she’s new to…
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